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I am coping with severe depression. A day in my life.
This post is the first in a series of blog posts (I hope), trying to explain what life with this level of depression is like because I know that so very many people in this world struggle very much like I do. It is very alienating to feel and to live this way. Over time I have learned that so many struggles in my life, both mental and physical, are related to past traumas I’ve experienced. I want to be able to share these experiences with others who feel the same way so that they know they are not alone in this, that someone else understands and struggles as they do. I also write for those who are not depressed at all, because it’s difficult to understand severe depression when it isn’t part of your life.
Some of what I say here may be a trigger for some people. Please read with caution. I am NOT a medical professional and my opinions and advice should not be construed as medical advice. Please seek out a professional if you are looking for medical advice.
If any part of this post touches you in some way, if you relate to what I’ve said, or if you have a question I can help answer for you, please respond. And if you are willing, please share the article and/or click the applause button above so that others will see this, and maybe have something to add.
I hate waking up every morning. Dreams can take on many themes, some good, and some bad, but I don’t remember ever dreaming about the things I worry about in my daily life, not about the drivers of my depression. When my dreams leave and the waking world rushes in, it feels like a slap in the face. The weight of my depression envelopes me as if someone had taken a net and thrown it over my head. I am, all at once, tangled up in it, drowning in it, unable to escape, unable to hope. It usually takes me a half hour or more to talk myself into putting my clothes on and getting on with my day.
I suppose depression must feel differently for each person. For me, it presents itself as perpetual exhaustion, a complete lack of drive and ambition, an inability to concentrate and focus on anything (even things I would normally enjoy or want to pay…
